ARE WE REALLY GETTING OLDER?

My baby sister recently turned 28; somehow it just doesn’t seem possible. A few weeks ago, my best friend and I were chatting and I told her that we’ve been friends for over 25 years. That also doesn’t seem possible. I think we all know that we are aging and we see our world shifting ever so slightly every year. We do more adult things like buy houses, have kids, open an IRA; but yet, I somehow also feel like I’m not yet an “Adult” even though I’m dangerously close to 40.

This is the only picture from my sister’s birthday party, apparently we were having too much fun. But then, it’s kind of interesting really, standing around a fire, the whole family cheering as we burned the Christmas tree in a very flamboyant way…another memory to add to the stack.

How does it happen that as a kid we see adulthood as this far-away concept and as an adult we also see adulthood as a concept, not our actual circumstance? When I think about what my parents were doing when they were 36 it’s almost mindboggling. Their lives were so different to where mine is that they seem in different worlds. Did they feel so juvenile back then, when they were toting around 6 kids and juggling car and house payments? I even look back at pictures of them when they were the age I am now and for some reason, they look older. Maybe its the stress of kids, I really don’t know.

I ponder this often, actually. I don’t feel like I’m 36. I don’t feel like I look like I’m 36. The other interesting facet is that I don’t feel like much has changed in the past 10 years in terms of who I am as a person. Intuitively I know this is not right because a lot of my views have changed over time. I have learned an extraordinary amount of things and have experiences under my belt that 25 year old me never thought would happen. Besides the random knee crackling when I walk up the stairs and the inability to drink more than 2 beers, I feel like I could still be 25. How has this happened? Time feels like it has stood still in my mind and I haven’t changed so much as the world around me has.

This really makes me wonder how I will perceive this phenomenon as I get ever older. When I’m 60 will I still feel like I never left my 40 year-old self? Remember when we were young how 25 felt old and 40 felt really old and 60 was ancient? My parents are in their 60’s but even though I know they have aged, they still feel like the same people they were 20 years ago.

I hope as I age I keep noticing things about the process. We all know we aren’t getting out of here alive, so we may as well pay attention to the little things along the way. In a sense it’s like watching a seedling go from spindly and awkward to thin and tender, and one day becoming mature and majestic. As a person do you ever really get to notice those changes or does it just one day dawn on you that 1995 was 26 years ago and that’s how long you’ve known your best friend. I hope some day we can sit and have a glass of wine and reminisce about the last 50 years as friends, all the memories we have and the life we have lived. Perhaps sooner than we realize that day will be on our doorstep. An honest goal in my life is to pack it full of so many happy moments that every corner of my mind is filled with joy. Won’t that be the best?

As a perfectly funny end to this trailing thought- as I wrote this I kept referencing my age as 35. I’m 36. Apparently I am at that stage in life where I forget how old I am. :|